on my mind..

so last night.. i was talking to one of the girls my "friend" messed around with while we were "together" it's funny.. she doesn't know that i know about them, about her.. she acts like it. it's even funnier when he comes around and she gets her feathers all ruffled.. quite funny..

so now im trying to put this whole relationship thing in persepective.
Trying to put this whole talent thing in perspective.
Trying to get a perspective on me... Clearly.

Like how far do you trust people. I hate bullshit.. but it's even funnier how people act when you face them with their own bullshit.. some ol nonchalant ol jekyll and hyde bravado crap. I hate that!

this whole talent thing: i realize lately.. i want to sing more.. BUT i also realize. i am afraid of my voice. have hints of how possible it's potential and powerful it can be and it scares me..

the guy i once called my boyfriend tells me "Sing to your fears."
then he has to leave before i can gather an example.. get the points clear.. understand.. how one faces and then sings to ones own fears.. but i do admire him for his wisdom.. i'll think on that one..

A perspective on me.. at odd slices of time.. i realize i am on the edge of greatness.. see how great my talent and my heart are.. and wonder.. if there is one right now who is worthy of my time, talent and attention.. cuz sometimes.. all i want is someone to lean on when i get tired of holding my back straight and being stiff and proper and excuse my wording but erect all the time.. it's a proper word.. just i know how it can be turned around..

i think my request are simple.. i think i fool myself when i say.. i want someone who will be honest with me. b/c people are only going to show you who they want you to see.. and at times.. i like my bubble. at times would rather be niave.. at times.. would rather people gave me the option of staying or going when they make it seem like im the only one and there are 5 others.. . i am more afraid of singing out my heart than a terrorist attack.. i am more afraid of getting onstage and spouting a spoken word piece that says.. lady.. i know you were the one that was with my "friend" .. please stop smiling in my face.. afraid of exposing myself MY.. self.. more than embarassing myself and tripping in front of a crowd..

but gifts were given and meant to be used.. the gift of patience.. writing, kindness, singing, clear sight(vision), perception, wisdom, joy, innerwarmth, a warm spirit.. all reside in the person i know i am.. and just as i feel uncomfortable being mean to people i should realize.. i can't hold back the other talents as well.. how evil of me.. there is someone out there unable to express themselves who needs me to write that poem and that song and do it for them.. so they can feel like they are not alone.. someone is waiting for me to get over me and spend some quality time with them.. because they no longer believe that people are like that.. nice for the sake of seeing them smile.. im like that.. someone is waiting for that.. please raise your hand.. im waiting patiently.. ;)