the writings of march 03 2004

Untitled

in this space at this time
with these hands and this mind
i will be who i said.. i always wanted to be
and i will do what i said.. i always wanted to do
cuz i have tried the other way and it ain't nothing cool
and i've waited for the master but he's an equal opportunity dude
and
he believes in an E for effort but double returns
and a blessing given for a lesson learned
and my god don't believe in no hand outs
cuz.. mine keep coming back empty
so i know he ain't given nothin' for nothin'
at least not to me

so at this moment with this present
with these gifts and this heart
i will lay out the plans and make a new start
with these love and these eyes
piercing your soul
i would apologize for being rude with my glances but
if you feel naked when i look through you...
it sounds like a personal problem that i cant control
and if you feel unnerved if the story i tell is yours
and i know some things about you ... you think i shouldn't know
well these are the tools the master has bestowed..

and the gifts have been sitting untouched for too long
you can't leave your gifts under the tree indefinitely
that's what my mother kept telling me
they may be pretty now.. but
soon you may see..
people will stop giving you gifts if you appear unappreciative
and she told me this
every march.. after every Christmas
when my gifts had been sitting in their boxes way past time
way after the tree was thrown away
and way after the needles had been swept away
and way after the snow and the gloom
i kept my gifts looking presentable and unused..
and she told me
people get offended when you don't use what they give you
people start to think you don't like what you give them
people start to not want to give you a thing
if you only look at but never use their things
and

God she's just like that
cuz i had a few other gifts and she snatched those back
cuz their had been this chick begging for the gift of song
and i kept thinking mine wasn't good enough so she took it back and passed it on
and there was this guy who wanted to play the keys
and because i wanted a bigger keyboard and refused to use what i had
well she took that back from me ... Too.
so these words are all i have
and

these words
flow effortlessly
and these words
become vessels
and these words..
are sometimes not mine
but like j. ivey...
sometimes i have to write
and sometimes i get uncomfortable
and don't feel right when
the words come through me looking for a home
but i want to do something else and be left alone
no these words
have a mind of their own

so with this mind and this heart and this pen
i will do what I'm supposed to.. i will begin
i will do what i said.. i was going to do
and i will be that woman i said i wanted to be
and i will follow the lead of the others before

and use my gifts before they are ....
never more!

(C)2004 jamila j.