I am finding hard to believe I let rage, anger, jealousy and pettiness control 3 years of my life. Granted, at first, I was intrigued by the drama. I had never really had any drama in my life. But then, the drama became a tornado, whipping up anything and everything in its path. Blinding me. Redirecting me. Taking me off course. And here I am 3 years later, still looking at the wreckage, trying to pick up the pieces and find out where I have been and where I need to be going.
IT seems like the players have all been tossed in their own directions, doing their own things, finding new holes to dig, new places to root, new lives to wreck. Or have they? I somtimes wonder what it all was about. If those women who thought those men were so important still care the same way. IF they knew what I knew if they would have fought so hard. Lied so much, have done so much conniving. For what? a man? a boy? a child? who in the end, not one of us is with, and none of us really needs to be with.
Sometimes I wonder, was it all worth it in the end. I often think about calling up these women, who read my blogs, called their men, drew up the drama and I want to ask them. If the are happy now. Why? Because I am not. I want some of my time back, my money back and some of my sanity. I am not even thankful for the lessons learned. Why? Because it was a useless lesson and a waste of time. But hindsight is 20/20.
I can only move forward. looking back only ensures I don't make the same mistakes twice and I know more than anyone, that I will not be repeating that course. At. ALL.
Peace.
J
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