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The Black Forums

fill the void..

things that annoy me .. men who ask me where my man is at.. when i go out to get stuff done on my car. the reasons they give when i ask them why they are asking are ... 1) so i can be sure some dude is not going to roll up on me 2) your man should be doing this for you 3) if you had a man you wouldn't have this problem.

I know men.. I have them as friends. homies/lovers. No Man.. you can't own a person.. I don't have a husband, don't have a boyfriend.. therefore.. no "MAN".. and then they want to know why??.. is something wrong with me? no.. i told one man.. i was picky and special don't forget the quotes around "special". :)

im silly as all get out.. and i like particular men.. what kind of men? sexy, intelligent, creative, talented, interesting beings. And you'd think that'd be easy to come across.. it's not.. alot of them get stuck on the intelligence thing.. it's not a biggee.. just let me know you've read a few things or know a little bit enough so that if we were to go on a car trip.. we'd have some cool stuff to occupy our time. Enough so that when/if we go out to eat.... we can have some decent convo.. Enough.. so that.. when im not feeling the physical.. we can chill in each others presence.. and have a GREAT time.. i don't think i ask for much.

I certainly don't ask for money.. and this has never been a problem.. at least i thought it wasn't. Men always come to me on the rebound of a stank nasty gold digger with no heart.. i am tired of being the service station.. Tired of hearing the broken hearted stories.. or having to restore men's faith in good woman. I hate asking for stuff.. so i dont.. i get what i need. with no problems.. but 1) my ex told me the reason he broke up with me was b/c he couldn't afford the lifestyle he wanted to give me. PROBLEM: I NEVER asked for anything. his answer: that didn't matter.. there were things he wanted to do for me. that he couldn't afford.. Whatever..
2) recently i let my cell phone service lapse in lieu of paying my tuition. 2 different guy friends of mine got mine and called me stuborrn for a)not asking for help b)not thinking i could ask them. how am i to assume that b/c we are cool people that i can ask you for money? never crossed my mind.

and this is my "excuse" im not used to depending on people especially me for SHIT! I've had a hard time trusting god.. what makes me think i'd trust YOU. I now trust God.. God has come through for me.. But people? People will be people.. i dont know if i trust yall yet..

but here we come back to men.. The friends in my life.. I know are truly friends.. and every once in a while i have to come back and re-evaluate my stance.. Cuz i want things in life.. and somtimes it's slightly mood downing to realize.. that this man i chill with.. is not the one.. that there are things i want.. that i don't have yet.. that i know. these people may not always have my best interest at hand.. especially when we hang out and other woman.. THROW themselves all over them.. But. .. im cool.. Im J. Im just a friend... right? it's cool. I can't front.. I flirt with people too.. But i don't THROW my grown ass on grown men.. i know people who do.. if you read this.. I wish you would stop.. it's not cute.. it's quite embarrasing.

but here i go again.. why do i always write here when im in a "mood" it's really not an issue. im just in the process of doing my end of the year re-evaluation.. i want to make sure im not wasting my time.. but for now.. this works.. Where is my Man? hell if i know. but i got friends.. and some of them might be "special" but none of them are my "man".. i haven't met him yet.. hell he may not even exist.. but right now.. it doesn't matter.. i wouldn't have time to cultivate the relationship right now anyway.. and i know how men get.. i know how i get.. and i guess god does too.. cuz he (my man) does not exist.. but my friends do..

Going with the flow.. until further notice..
jam :)