A Little Closure is all I was asking for

This is hard to write.. cuz i don't feel i have processed this yet.. but it needs to be written.

I've spent 4 months in confusion. Asking, waiting, hoping, watching, praying, waiting, asking, stressing, depressed. Frustrated.

Only to last night get the answer.. He/ that manchild I dated for about a year and a half. The first real relationship i thought I had, the first time i've opened up in a long time. This man i thought was busy and returning, the man who said I was what he needed in his life.. Treated me like christmas wrapping paper.. Crumpled me up and tossed me to the side.. and maybe he thought b/c i was only christmas paper... it was allright.. but perhaps he didn't realize.. that i was more.. That i was more than Fucking POETRY! More than some girl... More than a wet pussy. More than some chick... I had actual feelings. and I had them for him. He told me so nonchalant like.. That he had another girlfriend.. Met HER in July... She became his girlfriend in September.. and I find out cuz i call during their dinner on Sunday... and he treated me like a ROYAL ASS! so i called back.. cuz i was only calling to say hi. .and he tells me he's out with his GIRLFRIEND!!! I mean.. uhh.. when were you going to let me know.. AT THE FUCKING WEDDING!

so i am more mad than i know... but i feel.. as the NICE person he said i was.. as the person he "said" he cared about.. i would at least be due the decency of decent closure.. Don't leave me hanging like a loose appendage.. while you carry on with your life. He tells me I got to him before he was going to tell me.. But i know for a fact that i was with him for months b4 he told his daughters mother about me..I know that... I know alot he assumes i don't know.. Like him feeling insecure and having his friends watch me at a spot that where i go to unwind once a week... with my people... He had me uncomfortable for months in my own spot.. cuz he was uncomfortable and never confronted me head on... that...

is crazy... he accused me of having someone else.. feeling there was someone else.. and there never was.. but HE.. HE HAD someone else... and for someone who is so upfront with people.. he dragged me around the back of his pick up for months.. i guess hoping i'd finally fall off and not notice.. i was being dragged and bruised..

but i must say this.. finally getting an answer i was seeking for 4 months.. lifts my depression. Makes me feel free inside.. Allows me to get my smile back.. cuz i haven't been myself in 4 months. since JULY! one of his friends once commented to me that i was smiling but it wasn't genuine.. and i couldn't explain it to him.. But thanks CURT! now I have unearthed my smile.. DAMN Anyone who takes away my smile.. and denies the world their sunshine!

I know in the end.. this is for the best.. I just wish it had happened another way.. But it didn't.. IT happened the way it did.. I just hope home girl.. knows what kind of man she is with now.. and can see like i can his potential and hopefully he won't drop her like a hot potatoe.. b4.. she gets the opportunity.. to love him.. like he needs... hopefully he will get over his childhood.. and learn to love himself enough to respect the feelings of others who have feelings invested in him.. You don't treat people like that!

but i know that..
I only do to others what i want done to me.. Seems unfair.. no one seems to be looking out for me.. I get hurt an awful lot.. but i'm convinced.. some good comes from everything and there must be alot of good in store for me.. i need it.