day by day

insomnia attacks me the same time every year in the fall ... at a consistent time. 3AM.. i have poems written about this odd phenomenon..and you'd think after years of this happening.. i'd wise up and use the time productively.. well the other morning i did.

I woke up right away at 3am.. no groginess just a wake up and i turned right away and started flipping channels. mtv vh1, bet, hbo.. why are channels 3 letter call letters? and as soon as i woke up my phone rang.. i figured.. if you were calling me at this time of morning.. you must know me.. so i pick up my handy dandy cell phone.. and am surprised, but not so surprised.. to hear the voice of a friend.. that broke me down and spit me out.. why not surprising? b/c we used to always spend these insomiac hours together.. a year ago we lived around the corner from each other in adjacent buildings.. i used to just throw on a scarf on my bushy fro, grab my glasses or bottle of contact solution and trudge over to his place.. and we'd talk till we fell asleep.. among other things.. but that has not happened in awhile.. and in the interim when we fell apart and were not constant talk.email.buddies.. i met a new man.. who consequently.. pushed me to the wayside for life and now here we are and my insomnia has returned.. or is that my friend has returned?

so we talked i got out of bed.. transferred laundry to dryer.. watched vh1 soul downstairs, and talked to 5am.. and when he decided it was time to get an hour or so of sleep we hung up and i read a novel until 6am when i feel asleep and got my hour and 1/2 of rest..

but the thing is.. i knew in the midsts of that convo.. that if i was still living in the same place.. i would have been out of my bed in a minute and over to his place... and there is no remorse in that.. just a knowing.. but at the same time i wonder.. if i still had my place would MIA boyfriend still be MIA ???

and i know.. in the end.. friends are friends.. you can argue, curse each other out, and banish each other to the ends of the earth, but in the end, something happens, and someone returns.. or is it as he says.. there are constants in your life.. people who never really go away.. and that means something.. that when it all breaks down, your constants are there.. in the wings, or on the verge of re-appearing...