it's funny to me how boundaries cease to exist.
I grew up in an existence full of boundaries a Jamaican/American household. With tons of boundaries, rules, and the smacketh down. oh.. I got the smack down plenty of times. you know these as beatings.. I even had the joy of being able to go to a drawer in my parents dresser and pick my own belt out of a grand selection.
but im just saying as a result. and being the oldest. If my parents weren't around to set the boundaries, I did. Still do. There are certain things I wont do, because ive set up invisible boundaries and grandiose rules of conduct. and for some people they seem crazy. They keep me inline. Keep that good girl image looking squeaky. But I realize.. it works sometimes and sometimes it doesn't. Used to work on my last nerve when they're was something I wanted to do and went outside my personal bounds and against my established rules. But that's not it only.I grew up in a Christian household. So there were plenty of rules and bounds set up for me to leap over. Some of them were plainly stupid. And I wonder if I was really that kind of child that needed to be roped in like that. But maybe I was.. Because sometimes.. Like when the moon is doing this crazy thing ;) (like how I tie posts together :) ) I feel my wild chile side slipping out and I knew I had so much control over her.. we were doing so well keeping her under wraps.. The curse of the quiet child. That was me. Bookworm, always observing, didn't curse, didn't smoke, didn't do a lot.. and kept my secrets to myself..They warned you about me.. told me who I was.. made me wary of me.. told me to watch out for people like me.. and I know ;) ... know what they were talking about.. it might be true.. but I'm not telling.. ;)
it's interesting how this introverted secretive side both repels and attracts people. Makes people curious about who you are.. I say this.. I was born in the year of the snake.. when I say that.. people step back.. think I'm sneaky..I'm just observing ;) Think I'm wild. I'm contained.. ;) think a lot and want to either think more or assume..
it's funny to me how people find ways to justify their behaviors. Their sins. Turn the story personal so you can see it their way and why they had to do that thing.. I find myself doing it at times.. find it interesting. Don't feel guilty.. don't see any point in it. but wonder.. why people want to make you feel guilty. Are they mad because you did something they wanted to do but were afraid to and you came out unscathed? it's interesting how people scheme when they want something. do what they want to get what they don't necessarily need but the hunt is so exciting.. and the capture is so satisfying.. yet funny.
funny when you have information people don't know you have so their scheming comes of as hilarious because you know their motives. but you can't say anything.. it's like.. my girl already told me you asked about me.. so your not slick trying to approach me.. I'll just let you think this is all a surprise.. and I don't know your intentions and I haven't already made up my mind about how I want this thing to work out .. but eyes.. don't lie.. as a matter of fact.. eyes.. tell on you.. and many don't know how to disguise that.
there is a point here. but I'm rambling.. but then again.. it's all funny.. and my rules and bounds.. probably mean nothing in the end.. but breaking them.. feels oh damn good.. ;) told you I wasn't guilty.. ;) but then again.. they warned you about me.. damn quiet girls... damn natural headed wonder, damn girl with "those" eyes and "that" voice... ahahhahaah (insert michael jackson thriller laughing HERE!)
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