when and where the muse may strike

i like that title.. i may have to use it for something.. here are just two pieces i wrote today.... many thoughts, many thoughts..

2 seperate situations..

Poem #1

Without
some words don't flow the way they are supposed to
fluid and easy and sweet
can't say words like daddy
without feeling like i didn't say it right
without feeling like i didn't mean it right
without feeling
can't say words like child
without thinking about the one i didn't have
without thinking about the ones i want to have
without thinking
can't say words like boyfriend or man
without feeling like it's just not right
without feeling he's just not right
without feeling my heart cringe and then ice..
without feeling


afterthoughts
do we just talk to keep each other going?
what happened to that convo we had a few months ago
where you laid your heart on the line
and i treaded lightly
where we were both too scared and so full of energy
i felt it bouncing off the walls and into my chest
never felt that way before
so full
so scared
so electric
i could hear your words in my veins
i could feel your heart in my ears
i could see your pain in my hands
and i wanted to crush it
wanted to leap across the synapse of our fears
and hold you
let you know
i was always here.. you just had your back turned
wanted to let you know
you had nothing to fear
and everything to gain
and you only had to chance your heart
and love
but there is so much i didn't tell you that day
or the days before
my diary knows my truths
like way before we tried to find ourselves
i didn't tell you if you had asked me
i would have given up my lonliness
and connected my self with you
for life
was willing to walk blindly in the darkness
nuture your heart
love your talents
for life
but there is so much we didn't say that day
or after
what happend to the sparks we shared
to those words we shared on that couch that day
were we just talking?
or too afraid of each other
and the possibility
of really being with someone who could love us
with all of your faults
your secrets
and talents
what happened?
perhaps we were just talking...
but were not those people anymore
not the same tread lightly easy to appease
people anymore...
it's not easy to keep up the facade of happy
not easy to keep up the fairy tale
and we say so much
what do we believe?
i wonder..
are we just talking?