if you don't know me by now, you will never ever, ever know me... dooo , doo dooo doo..

Lately.. im leaning more and more toward the spiritual. I know alot of it is because I am going to massage therapy school in the fall and Im trying to focus in on what i want to do with my "career". I want to do holisitc work. Plain and simple. I need to start living the life.. And right now i feel like an outsider looking in. But i have friends who are really into this, who are living this.. So I plain to poke their brains, one of them is a minister and loves to have us ask questions.. so i will be going there.

But when you are on the path to finding new knowledge i love how life opens up to bring you what you need. From any and every direction. I guess this is the true meaning of " When the student is ready...."

But other things bother me in relation to this. Mainly relationships. And how i interact with my circle. There are many reasons why i wont talk to with romantic or sexual inclinations anyone in my circle. First of all the circle is too small. (If you consider almost 30 peeps small. it's intimate.. how about that?) Second i am a private person. Third.. I need to know people outside of my circle. Fourth. I hate when my choices and decisions return back to me in the form of gossip and mayhem. IT irks the mess out of me. Fifth.. my walk and my talk need to be aligned.. and im feeling like right now they might not be.. glad i wasn't talking to anyone but myself.. but i need to start now.. building that foundation.. i don't want people to get the wrong idea... or for me to f up.. my own ideals..

and its happened again.. i slipped slightly beyond the bounds of my comfort zone and my ish came back to me. NOT COOL ! I didn't know i was dealing with children. I didn't know it was that serious. I wonder how long people have been wondering about me.. I want to tell them they can stop.. they will never learn my secrets.. Your going to have to keep wondering or ask the last guy i was with.. and he stopped coming around to the "circle", and doesn't spread my business.. so that might be hard..

but these are key elements. It's good to know who you're working with. Especially if you have to be with these people for long periods of time. I will chalk this up to experience and my own age... for i know myself to be a far mature person than some of the jokers i deal with.

just know... something along those lines will NEVER happen again.. keep wondering about me.. i love being the mystery... ;)

secret agent J