forgive and forgive

so i go to church religiously, but don't believe in religion. Approach life spiritually because i believe spirit is everything.

Have you ever felt your heart cringe around certain people? I have. Up until yesterday. Even the thought of this person made my heart feel congested. But i know even though the nature of the relationship has changed, i still have to interact with this person.

back to square one. The sermon in church yesterday was about forgiving people. Releasing people, because when you hold on to what they did to you. It's not hurting them, it's hurting you and that is so, so , so true. I know that all the people in my life who have hurt me in my life.. none of them carry on like hurting me was a burden. I am the only one holding on to the past, the hurt, the pain.

It's rare that someone affects me like this and i hate to feel this way. It's hard to describe how when i was around him. It felt how it feels when i eat too much buttered popcorn. Like it's sitting on my chest and not going anywhere. weird. stifling. congested. blocked. I felt like that.

So in church. I let this person go, forgave them for the past, the hurt and many of the other people who did the same to me.

And I felt SO DAMN FREE! ! !

even today.. kept reminding myself of my decision i made even called my latest victim up and had decent convo.. and still felt good after talking to them. this is great.. i love being in the upswing. dwelling in the doldrums sucks!

moving on... is only hard to do if you try to do it on your own.