sometimes i relapse

sometimes.. i think about you
like where did we go wrong
like i know im not the only one
who did somethings that led us to gone

but i know better
to linger in this space
darkness is a friend
i don't need to reacquaint

i said some things/ acted with regret
you said some things/ you will never admit
a perfect man with a perfect plan
a perfect anger/ with a perfect hand

you have a history hard to detect
except for the lies we shared
we are both better off if we forget

like you saying.. i was someone you'd always love
like you saying.. i was a whore and a slut
like you saying.. she didn't mean a thing
like you saying.. we should have babies get married move away

like me acting... a bit niave
like me being... plain old me
like me being... the girl of your dreams.
like me having... too many blind dreams..

i know better
i just can't understand
what the real lesson is here
except you were a boy struggling to be a man
and i was a girl/ still trying to grow

and we got paths that merged converged
and veered way off

we seperate ways
the lessons all haze

i wish.. too much
like that it ended well
like we had better stories to tell
like somethings never happened
like...

you weren't bipolar acting..
like...
we could talk it out
instead of
acting up and
yelling
its never resolved

threads still linger
my growth feels hindered...

and we
don't exist
the past is all
bullshit
i resort to this shell
not the same girl
a woman scorned

funny you called me a whore
now ...i sleep alone...
can't bother with taking another chance.
with boys still playing to be men
with boys with too many toys
too much anger..
im better off
alone...
on my own..

lessons...
unlearned...
privacy
returned
sometimes i still wonder
about you and me
but that's an abyss
with no vacancy

not a trip for me
a path i no longer see..

sometimes i wonder...


(c)2009