im still not sure

I'm not quite sure if spinning out on 64 doing almost 80 was supposed to be my wake up call. But i prayed like that Saturday was my best day, because i don't believe in living like it's my last. And i prayed to the Mother, the Father, the guides, the ancestors and the angels. And i hope they understood me.

Funny, I wanted a sign. I wanted in a dream or maybe during the day to hear Tina Turner's "What's Love Got to Do With It" So i knew that whoever saved my life got my message. But i haven't heard it yet. At least I haven't recognized it yet. I just wanted them to know i was thankful. But Maybe, It's not me who needs a sign. Maybe, it's them. Maybe, Just MAYBE. Me stopping on 64 in broad daylight facing oncoming traffic on the shoulder directly between two signs was my wake up call. And they don't need to play me shit. MAYBE, I need to start getting some action done.

Maybe spinning out in the left lane and ending up on the right shoulder in the dirt facing oncoming traffic and the young lady in the green volvo who stopped to see if i was ok. MAybe that was my sign. That nice little lady spirits in GREEN vehicles have my back. And that all this time i thought i was going through the twists and turns of life alone. Maybe, my wake up call is that in the midsts of a spin out I am protected and guided and blessed and not alone after all.

Because, either by default or my fault.... lately, I've been feeling alone. Like no one understands, cares or gets me and maybe, I'm wrong. Maybe. someone does care.

For 3.5 seconds I thought my goal of living to see 115 and keeping this nice car i just got in good condition. I thought they were coming to an end and i just knew the damage on my car was going to be hell to pay off. BUT. I got off easy. With having to replace two tires. MAYBE.

I'm missing the message. And i don't EVER want a wake up call like that again.

I haven't been able to sleeep. I'm contemplating making changes and I'm hoping I can get back on track before my spirit guides/ God-dess/ Decide i need to be shaken again like laundry on the spin cycle.

Maybe, this is depression. Maybe, it's my 20 realization. Maybe, this is the impeding change i've been feeling on my horizon. I don't know.

I just know someone's watching my back and keeping me around for a reason. I hope I make them proud that they saved me.

Peace,
J