my scale is the debil

My scale lies. MY clothes are feeling looser after changing my diet. I now eat "mini meals" small balanced meals every 2-3 hours. I can see the difference already and it's only been a week. MAybe it's also becuase i got a tooth pulled and can only eat soft foods. You can't really get fat eating pudding and apple sauce. Mind you my new love is Granny Smith Apple Sauce.. WONDERFUL.. so i decided feeling much lighter this morning to get on the scale.. The scale LIES.. it says i weighed 2 pounds more.. But i know... im seeing more definition.. I would throw the scale away.. but... i got it from my dad.. long story.. my dads no longer here.. so i'm gonna not get on it for a minute... maybe when my pants are sliding over my waist fully buttoned again.. i'll get on.. until then.. No can Do !

Tomorrow is the day. Today is the last day. Tomorrow my loc journey begins. I'm starting my locs. I miss them. I miss hair that kisses me neck, that doesn't need to be manipulated when i wake up, that doesn't make me look like a little boy with a smashed box on my head when i forget to braid it at night. I miss my hair. Plain and simple.

Besides, I think i've fallen off the wagon. Gotten far from me. From my principles and ideals and my reality. When i had locs, i like to believe i was more on point. I cut them for a reason and now im relocing for new reasons.. Life is constantly in a process of change. So I'm changing. Again. Some people cut their hair when they break up or feel change. I'm locing my hair. I need unity of mind, body and spirit. I'm starting with my hair. I've already started on my spirit. My mind.. well i lost that when i was 12.. no going back now :) but we'll try haha!

I woke up this morning clear in some areas of my life and fuzzy in others. I woke up and realized some thoughts i had in August.. They came back to me full force. I don't know how i got so convuluted in my ideas that i forgot why i wanted to be left alone. I wanted to be left alone by everyone in my life. EVERYONE! It's bad when you need isolation from EVERYONE in your life.. but i was losing it.

I'm not losing it now. I'm fine. I actually think I'm spending too much time alone. But it's cool. I'm getting back slowly but surely.

I got this call the other day.. that bothers me. This we need to talk call. I hate that call. We'll see what happens. I hope it means something good. It better.. I Don't want no bad news right now.