the wind is calling my name....

have u ever been in a place for a long period of time and started to think... that perhaps you've been in the wrong place.... for a long period of time?

i've been thinking lately and my life is not the most organized example of life. I blame my creative nature and my the fast like lighting quality of my mind... it could be A.D.D.. but i think fast, i talk faster.. as a result.. things are often left in the dust.. and sometimes i come back to them sometimes i don't.

as a result of this nature.. i loose interest in things quickly.. except for three things. Music, writing and laughter....

so i'm wondering.. if my ADD translates to relationships.. some people are not going to like this post.

im just thinking here. please don't call me in a panic.... im wondering if i've been standing still too long.

I want to change the nature of my relationship. But they way i want and the way it is.. can't be... so in a way i feel slightly immobile.

I'm not the marrying kind.. yet...
i'm not the mothering kind... just yet..
i'm not the girlfriend kind... for long periods of time..

i have short term memory and action. I have NEVER been in a relationship that long.(the longest was a year and a half) . and it's never ended by my own voilition.. but as it stands.. im entering the 2nd year of a "relationship".. and you can call it my female mind, my right too choose, my quick like lighting thought pattern.. but i'm not bored.. i'm just wondering...

am in the right place? what is the purpose of this person in my life? and if i am suppoed to leave, why come (yes, it's bad when it becomes why come) why come whenever that opportunity comes... i find it most difficult to bow out gracefully.

I dont like cutting off limbs.. and that's what it feels like.. but also feels stifling at times..

it's not like i lied about having male friends... most of my friends are male non-fucking buddies..
it just is.. i'm just cool like that.. and in that same respect.. most of his friends are (i am assuming b/c i've been admonished from thinking differently) that most of his friends are female non -fucking buddies.. so why come.. when it appears after a throrough search of my domicile and matrix box (computer) that perhaps i've been hanging out with male counterparts.. that a problem arises???
some people are not going to like this post.. please understand im working some thoughts out.. and i've happened to make them public...

so maybe i haven't been so honest in the past.. i give that but... please also understand when i get to work is not the time to demand my undivided attention and answers...

so maybe i've said too much.. these are only snippets of thought..

but im wondering... when will i let myself know what this really is and where i really stand.. and why come... i just can't walk away? there is a lesson here.. perhaps i am not supposed too....