In this place right here right now

Lately, my creativity has been on my mind. Daily, hourly, second by second.

The deaths of J.dilla and Lynden David Hall make me ponder my role in this life. Thanks to this site for shedding some light for me on some other sites http://www.jodinescorner.com/

The thing is I wonder if other creative souls create with the intent of crafting a body of work to be remembered by. From my readings, J has his machines with him the hospital crafting music to the day he died. That's amazing and beautiful to me. Lynden David Hall just appeared in Love Actually I'm not sure what he did in his last days.... (besides a unnamed friend who doesn't like to be named in my blog pointing him out to me... Happy B-Day anon friend :) )

I know for me in the days I created with ease it was because I really had no choice in the matter. I'd wake up with songs in my head, poems would wake me up, push themselves forward, prompt me to grab a pen and write. It's not a conscious thing. But when the flow stops , like it has of late. One notices the difference. My creativity has been in hibernation as of late. And so now... Seeing these young souls pass on I ponder why I create, why I want to create and the purpose of it all.

I think I stopped asking a long time ago why I had the gifts I had, somedays I just don't know what to do with them. Dont' know which direction to take them in. Don't know why me....

What I do know is I want to inspire people, make people's hearts fly the way mine does when it hears a simply divine note, take people to that space where nothing really matters except the feeling, transport people because, I know what that feels like and it's a good place to be.

That's all I want... Sometimes.. But sometimes.. I want to be able to leave behind a soul touching beautiful creative landscape that reaches far beyond my grasp.

Maybe I daydream to much, but maybe it's like the pastor said one Sunday. God may not always speak to you in a loud booming voice, sometimes it's that silent nudging, and I've been ignoring that nudging for awhile...

peace yall,
j