No Woman No Cry

No Woman No Cry

You come to love not by finding the perfect person, but by seeing an imperfect person perfectly.
- Sam Keen

So... i guess you want to know where a fly afro chick like myself has been hiding since December.. It’s no mystery.. It’s HIBERNATIN' Time.. The bears do it.. Why can't i? and seriously it's not planned it just happens.. So I'm trying to listen to this lovely brown body of mine.. and take time.. but on top of that.. .the beginning of my year has been CRAZY!

Let’s see.. My beautiful 98 Purple Dodge Stratus.. DIED.. The week of new years.. So for almost a month I’ve been careless.. The guy who repoed my car (another story for another time) was offering me (offering as in FREE) a Saab and then a Jeep Cherokee Laredo.. and then the day it comes to pick up the car.. and dude is a no show.. no answer.. his grown ass.. is still hiding from me.. why did i call last week blocking my number and he pretended like his phone was acting up.. You can't do that shit to me.. THAT'S MY SHIT! :) Nonetheless the creator has placed other pawns and blessings in my path.. the mechanic that sold my sister her car.. had a 92 Pontiac Grand Am sitting in his yard that he was willing and gracious enough to bestow upon me for like 2G's Yo! :) So long gone are the days of J trying to recoup all that niceness i bestowed on my peeps and FAM.. Nope Jam got another groove on.. Not a 97 Silver Honda Accord with Sunroof.. but it moves fast.. like i like to do.. and it doesn't have a dead engine like my beloved stratus.. or my couch on wheels as i liked to call it.. this morning.. i realized.. i miss my stratus.. though it wasn't mine.. im still making payments on it.. i miss the opportunity to borrow it for 300 a month.. NOT! i can deal with a car with no to low payments and that runs.. rather than a headache that doesn't..

Scenario #2.. that has kept me from you...

My stepfather. The man who raised me from age 5. The father of my sister and brother.. Died. Passed Away.. Moved on. Use whatever Euphemism eases your soul.. The fact is.. the man i despised for years.. and then learned to understand who finally started to accept me and was the only parent of mine ( i have 4) who supported my decision to go to Massage Therapy school.. is gone.. as we know him from this plane.. and i of all people cried for many days.. my stupid ass after finding out he died on January 20th.. (My friend LOS's b'day) went to work on Friday.. my dumb ass cried for hours.. surprised i got work done.. surprised no one came by desk to ask why i was slobbering and heaving all day.. not even a card from an office that supports food on fridays and got mad at me cuz i didn't tell them it was birthday last year.. no one said a word to me.. no bother.. the matter is.. the man is gone..
So my sister, brother, mother, big sis, and sis's boyfriend went to NY to go to the funeral, clean up his apartment, and go to a cremation service.. Hard times.. it's hard cleaning up someone's belongings.. wondering what they'd want you to keep or throw away.. in the end it doesn't matter.. he doesn't need it anymore.. can't use.. we savor what we can that reminds us of good times and discard what means nothing.. which in the end will be everything..

So that's that..
Then i've been in hibernation, feeling scattered and questioning life and not quite me.. So I’ve been spending alot of time doing nothing.. Talking to my friend from childhood on line catching up with people i haven't talked to in years.. I joined the 10k training team.. I'm starting an Artist Management Company/ label/publishing/ ENTERTAINMENT EMPIRE with a kindred soul.. I call my friend. :) it's amazing to me to meet someone who knows your thoughts and thinks the same.. i like it.. i just need to get on the ball and out of hibernation so i don't seem like a slack sista!

anywhooo..
my "friend" and i decided we were spending too much time together.. so i've been taking time.. away.. my ex.. has been calling me.. i swear .. if you go back and read the beginning of my posts you'll know who im talking about.. the ex asshole i used to call him.. he's been calling lately.. throwing hints at me..like he's ready to retrieve me
from whatever abyss of loneliness and sadness he tossed my happy ass in.. but.. i haven't been stagnant all this time.. .and i hope he's changed.. and why am i even imagining that i could accept his offers.. why j? cuz i don't recall the bad times.. and i romanticize the hell out of the minute details.. like walks in the park and a friend i used to trust..apparently he does it too.. it's in his conversation when he says shit like we know each other like no other.. i want us to be real.. but he's another one of those brothers with no time.. so we can never get face time and away from the im's to get this mess straight.. until.. i have imaginings.. and girl im BAD! with the imagination! :) we could be married in Vegas next WEEK!

i keep getting request to sing lately.. andi need to give in.. i need some lessons or something.. i need confidence.. i need to find a good producer who will help me produce a good spoken word/vocal cd.. but im.. i used to date that man.. used to think i was going to marry that man.. till he tossed me aside like yesterdays funky draws.. like i was unnecessary until washed again.. so the CD is in limbo.. tell your friends to stop asking for it..

im pondering Atlanta.. thinking by 2007 i might be living there.. we shall see..

im sure im missing some things.. but say the word, ask the question.. and i will answer.. ask me anything.. i dare you ! ! :)