constants

the only constants in life are my music and my pen.
They won't leave me alone. they need me. propel me. direct me. guide me. force me to express. Are always there for me. and i hear if i dedicate myself to my talents.. they will also provide for me. I don't have that complete faith yet.. But i've seen it happen. ;) and they say... once you can see what god is doing for other people it it's a good sign of what he can do for you. Evidence if you will.. so be it..

But why do i say this? Im entering a new jaded period. I hate to use my cycle as an excuse to be raw... Especially when im know for being so nice and kind to people. but sometimes you either get fed up or it's time to show people your other side.. You can't smile all the damn time.. and i get tired for having to apologize for why im not smiling.. But.... here i am.. in this new cycle.. where i don't take normal shit the same. Where crazy events are affecting me.. and im feeling quite moody.. and the need to be alone.. Sprint helped me out with that one.. by turning my phone off last sunday around midnight.. it had to have been around midnight.. cuz i called a friend on the way home from the Cheesecake Factory.. and in the morning my phone was sending me to the sprint operator.. So sorry peeps.. if you can't reach me.. but it's either the phone or my brakes. . anduhm.. i think yall know the deal..I'll see ya'll later.. hopefully sooner given that my brakes work properly..

But still im jaded.... pissed off.. i don't know if it's more at me or at other people.. Im trying to live my life with no regrets.. so im not feeling guilty for enjoying myself last night.. not at all! but i hate when other people's emotions are tied (tide) to mine.. but then i hate when im lonely.. and no one's around.. and then im here alone... with my music and my pen.. i have found.. these two things are the greatest... the most constant lovers in my life.. finicky at times.. but consistent.. they grow with me.. move with me. come with me. stick with me. and never EVER betray me.. EVER.. i can always write a new line and sing a new song.. or read something that heals or hear something that soothes.. CONSISTENT! more consistent than that baldheaded dude who said.. he'd be the friend to my heart.. cuz he saw i'd been hurt so much and he would never do that to me.. and then he did.. well.. all i know.. if music is his bitch.. (and she is) than music will always be the other man in my life.. im so sorry.. future man in my life.. but i will stop a conversation to record a new line that popped into my mind, or make you hold your thought till i write down what your convo made me think.. and don't think i won't write about you.. after you tear my heart in two.... see.. music and my words (my pen) are the only constants in life...

i need consistency. period.