throwback to july 2003

i was looking at my page hits and followed a link that led to my july archive..
interestingly enough this caught my eye and i had been thinking about this..

The problem: he asks her what she wants and she can't say.. even though the night b4 when she was pissed the hell off.. She called out to her god to send her the one.. The one that would be there for her, love her, be her friend, never make her feel such agonizing pain, someone creative, someone she could laugh with, be herself with... and when he asks her what she wants..

all she says is, she wants to be happy. (July 31,2003)


why is this important boys and girls??? b/c 3-4 months after she made that request it was answered.. and it's true..
all she wants is to be happy..

and she is..

with that said..
i go back to work..

ok.. so i can't go back to work yet.. suck a slacker..
i'm thinking...
about how past relationships can wreck you up so bad.. you cannot accept something new without scrutiny..

i have met something new..and i think it's a wonderful, wonderful thing.. it's everything (i think so far) that i've wanted..
we Communicate.. that is key.. and in this communication we find.. that while we are both surprised at this happening we are apprehensive to accept it and flow freely in this b/c we know what the past has been...
he is cautious of me up and leaving like the rest.. I am wary of Dr. Jekyll fucking Hyde tendancies..

but in the end.. at the end of the day.. i sleep so damn well.. and this feels so darn good.. we have laid all kinds of mess on the table and we still are both here.. i don't know if the past is a hindrance to progressive movement or a catalyst for positive change in a blossoming endeavor.. i hope it brings about positive change.. i can't take anymore Tricks ...