MY God is a God of laughter

I believe God is a comedienne. She must be... He must be. IT must be!
Today here is the affirmation from this site i get emails from .. called Your Daily Affirmation.com

I love and respect my ability to look at life on the positive side. I choose to let go of my feelings of self-importance and all of the negative dramas in my life.

Funny right? or maybe you don't know why. I mailed my "x" back the pictures of me that i requested. For the simple fact that. 1) I know what I look like. 2) After I got them, I realized i didn't really want them 3) He could have them-b/c i know for a fact that I am in the process of changing again. I may never look that way again. and if that is the me he knew.. Perhaps he should remember me just like that.. I won't be that dumb bitch again.

So i called 1) because in reality.. I haven't let go. I thought this friend thing could work but i realized.. if his god is telling him that we are not supposed to be together.. Us trying to make a friendship work is most likely against the rules as well.. Get out, means get out.. So i call.. and get mad attitude.. Another sign that i am a glutton for punishment. I want sorrow and explanations. I get attitude.. Then he tells me.. That his Girlfriend.. Doesn't want me calling.. It makes her upset.. It's a sign of disrespect.. Do you know what is disrespectful.. Not allowing me to mourn and babble in the way I need to.. Do you know what is disrespectful? LEADING someone on for months and expecting them to be over you in a morning.. THAT SHIT IS CRAZY!

So almost a week later.. I am dredging the floor of my emotions trying to get the remaining sludge out.. I was almost there.. but i knew this friendship thing was wrong.. So i called. So i laughed when he told me... what she said.. I already knew... I knew I shouldn't be calling him.. But there is a little corner of hope in my soul.. that says.. HE is not a complete ASS! I have been known to be very wrong on many things..

My mothers "Friend" says the best revenge is doing well. VERY WELL . And i believe that. As long as my only motivation is not just to make him jealous.. IT won't work and won't be beneficial to me if i am doing something to make somone who is unable to be human jealous... No.. What i am doing is for me.... I have dreams i have been harboring for years that have gone unleashed, untouched, un lived... it's way past time..
and i have to believe that..

I have to finally cry and release this burden.. ive been dragging for months.. I am trying to be the bigger person here... And i feel I have been when I haven't gone out of my way to dog people out.. My conscience is clear..Its just my feelings that are hurt.. and that.. my dear... heals... in time.. not with it.. but in it..