here and now... now and then... you lie, i wait.. it starts again...

there are certain things i don't understand about certain people.. and i wonder if i will ever understand...

i learned at a young age, that people who do one thing and say another are hypocrites.. my stepfather is a hypocrite.. he promised me things and never came through.. i have learned to never expect things from people.. I love surprises.. but have learned with time to contain my excitement when people say they will do things for me... i have instead started to do things for myself.. for christmas.. i don't even really ask for things i really want.. i dont expect to get them.. So i ask for things i know i will get .. so my birthday and christmas wishes are usually the same.. books, music, gift cert's to book and music stores. I am still waiting on a nikon n80 and a full size keyboard.. can i tell you how many times these things have been promised to me.. too many times to count.. i am saving to buy them for myself.. now if you want to add to my fund.. let me know i'll let you know the info to my paypal acct.. but dont say you will if your not going to do it.. remember i didn't ask.. i never ask..

so it's this never ask policy that perplexes me.. I have met so many men who say that women are gold diggers, money hungry, good for only sex individuals.. hmmmm.. i have exlcuded myself from that category.. i am down to earth, silly as hell.. and i don't ask for shit.. cuz i dont want to have to be disapointed.. i can't really disapoint myself.. i know when my paycheck comes.. and i know how much i make.. i know when i can get stuff for myself.. but other people.. are always iffy...

i don't get why in a relationship where i don't ask for anything but time and attention.. i have a hard time even getting that?

is this person a hypocrite or just an overextended individual or just a godDAMN L I A R !!!!!!! see i like to think the best in all people.. but this is friggin ridiculous..

i see my friends more than someone i once called my boyfriend.. what does that tell us boys and girls? miss j is too goddamn nice.. and is tired of waiting for something that will never show up and never arrive and never follow through..

please don't make me any offers.. do you know how many times lately i've heard from guys oh.. i'll treat you better than that man, i'll do so and so.. i'll be this and that.. i'm not asking or looking for shit! if you can chill with me, make me laugh, and make time to see me... i'd give you the time of day b4 i hooked up with a sugar daddy.... and that is the truth.. good night children..

i wonder why i wait to saturday night to vent like this.. why oh why... i guess i failed today at writing a positive entry.. if wonder i typed in j vent sad ass black girl in google if my site would be the first to pop up.??!?!?!?