aint that a b%$!!!!!!!!!

my mom was talking to me this morning and in this is reference to that "nice" post i did yesterday.. my mom is talking to me.. and out pours... Well you just have to treat people the way you would like to be treated.. something like that.. i'm paraphrasing.. but i know i didn't want to hear it at the time.. i'm feeling a bit on the verge of tears today.. don't know why.. but when she said that.. i wanted to say it was a waste of time... I always go around treating others the way i would like to be treated and i never NEVER see that shit back... and when i do.. i don't know how to take it...

But seriously i feel i am nice to people... my friends would say too nice.. but i don't do these things outright just so that karma is in my favor.. no..i do them b/c being the top bitch.. makes my skin crawl.. makes me feel like i'm not in sync with my rythym... out of whack... wrong... makes me regret those scathing burn like lye statements i made that vented my anger but did little else...

it's when i'm feeling down and reviewing the past that i realize more often than not.. i am on the short end of the treat others as you would like to be treated spectrum.. i don't see people going out of their way.. or in their way to ensure that i'm happy.. or maybe i just don't notice it.. but when i'm down.. all that shit seems invisible untangible.. unreal.. nonexistant.. which leads me to why i know my tears are threating to break down my dams and flood my city...

i feel wronged.. and the strange thing is .. in my life.. when people do me wrong.. they NEVER feel like they have... NEVER!!! can't figure that out.. but you can't go around being a hardass all the time.. b/c when the people who do care and do, do stuff for you out the kindness of their large hearts come along.. you treat them like the shit you've been treated like for so long.....

mom i know you don't read this.. but if you want to know why i was on the verge of tears this morning.. this is why.. i feel wronged.. now how do i write/right this?

i don't think i can buy anymore music this week.. i got 7 cds in a 7day span... crazy..