Dear My Love, My Heart, My Passion, My One:
I thought it'd be easy to let you go, move on without you. The line before rings in my ear like a love song on the radio. But, it's not easy. I think about you everyday. I wonder how your doing. I wonder what your doing when I'm not around. I think alot. You always knew I did.
I've never been good at moving on or letting go. But, you knew that. We've been together for years. Spent mad time together. Time being mad, and time spent. It's not the same thing.
The time we spent was good. We became real close. Shared so many things. I never tried to lie to you. But it's so easy to lie, when you care about someone. When you want to keep them happy. When you want to keep them pain free.
But, someone/ something/ things and people got between us. Bastardized our connection. Made it seem like this thing we shared was no longer mine and yours but there's to look upon and tear apart. They took us and chewed us and spit us out for their own amusement.
I wish they knew us. Wish they had really taken the time to know us instead of picking us apart, missing (mixing) the message. Because of them I let you go, tried to move on, tried to forget. But, you're a part of me. You and I are one and I want you to know I could never let you go.
I bet they'll read this even and misinterpret it. But, You of all KNOW me/Know us... so forget about them. Like that old Jon B song, "Don't listen to, what people say, they don't know about about you and me, put it out your mind, cuz it's jealousy, They don't know about this here."
My dear, I miss you. More than you'll ever know. I've never really let you go. I've been here, growing, learning, living, and most of all waiting for the right time to re-connect with you.
I love you. I miss you.
J aka TN aka your one and only. Your Love. Your Muse, Your Vessel
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
catch a breath
just when i think im over
you reappear
a name linked to you
a sound reminisicint
of what u do rings in
my ear translates
directs the feeling to the pit
of me
my chest constricts
and i
find it hard to
inhale
hard to ex
hard to
breathe
slowly
paper bags to mouth
pushing out what remains
i think too much that's
what you used to say
but i can't stop
thinking about
u long enough
to regain my composure
re-gain my posture
inhale deep enough
to breathe
like i should be able to
with
or
with-out
you.
i scat my thoughts into
a rhythm my heart can follow
try to jumpstart myself
so i can catch a beat
catch a breath
again.
(c)2008 jamilaj
i found out this girl is pregnant by someone close 2 u. why does it matter? but it reminds me of u. so it made me think of u and how that could be me and u. but it's not. fuck.
you reappear
a name linked to you
a sound reminisicint
of what u do rings in
my ear translates
directs the feeling to the pit
of me
my chest constricts
and i
find it hard to
inhale
hard to ex
hard to
breathe
slowly
paper bags to mouth
pushing out what remains
i think too much that's
what you used to say
but i can't stop
thinking about
u long enough
to regain my composure
re-gain my posture
inhale deep enough
to breathe
like i should be able to
with
or
with-out
you.
i scat my thoughts into
a rhythm my heart can follow
try to jumpstart myself
so i can catch a beat
catch a breath
again.
(c)2008 jamilaj
i found out this girl is pregnant by someone close 2 u. why does it matter? but it reminds me of u. so it made me think of u and how that could be me and u. but it's not. fuck.
finding truth
i know more than i will ever say, and more than i will ever admit to myself.
I've lied to protect myself, to protect others. Always in the name of protection. I learned to lie when i was 5. To protect myself from getting my ass beat. I lied at 20 to protect his heart from his ego. I lied at 21 to protect my heart from him. I loved him. I don't think he ever knew. But you can't love the right person in the wrong situation for too long before you learn you need to protect you.
Always protection.
We've lied to protect ourselves. But i wonder who gets what they need in the end. And will the truth really make us all happy?
Sometimes, the truth hurts too much. And i often live in a self sheltered existence. I have to sometimes. It's necessary.
But it's funny. To write and think you're writing for your own healing and then to see it's not for you. That the words you write are for someone else. Or even yet to learn that the person your writing for is you. Just you in another skin. Another body. Another person who can't sleep like you, who can't breathe like you. Who has lied like you and hurt like you. Only to see.. yourself in them. And then you begin to understand the anger, the pain, the insomnia.
It all begins to make sense eventually. If your open to see it. IF....your honest with only one person. The only person you need to be honest with. Yourself.
I've lied to protect myself, to protect others. Always in the name of protection. I learned to lie when i was 5. To protect myself from getting my ass beat. I lied at 20 to protect his heart from his ego. I lied at 21 to protect my heart from him. I loved him. I don't think he ever knew. But you can't love the right person in the wrong situation for too long before you learn you need to protect you.
Always protection.
We've lied to protect ourselves. But i wonder who gets what they need in the end. And will the truth really make us all happy?
Sometimes, the truth hurts too much. And i often live in a self sheltered existence. I have to sometimes. It's necessary.
But it's funny. To write and think you're writing for your own healing and then to see it's not for you. That the words you write are for someone else. Or even yet to learn that the person your writing for is you. Just you in another skin. Another body. Another person who can't sleep like you, who can't breathe like you. Who has lied like you and hurt like you. Only to see.. yourself in them. And then you begin to understand the anger, the pain, the insomnia.
It all begins to make sense eventually. If your open to see it. IF....your honest with only one person. The only person you need to be honest with. Yourself.
*once in a lifetime/one*
i found him
skimming through my memories
picking out the best of me
saving the rest for a rainy day
he's got his tongue on the pulse of me
tasting every part of me
good 2 the last drop
we rock till the sun locks
us into the daily way
he's always got my smile in mind
we spend the most amazing times
locked into the midsts of we
times is nothing
when lips are running
when souls connect
& we find ourselves
not he & she but
one
nvr wanting to leave
nvr having 2 leave
but we do
just 2 go
out &
find each other
to share each other
again
(c) 2007 jjwf
skimming through my memories
picking out the best of me
saving the rest for a rainy day
he's got his tongue on the pulse of me
tasting every part of me
good 2 the last drop
we rock till the sun locks
us into the daily way
he's always got my smile in mind
we spend the most amazing times
locked into the midsts of we
times is nothing
when lips are running
when souls connect
& we find ourselves
not he & she but
one
nvr wanting to leave
nvr having 2 leave
but we do
just 2 go
out &
find each other
to share each other
again
(c) 2007 jjwf
u & i
u and i overtime become we
lose sense of space and time
become need
lose sense of who we are
become speed
racing into the winds of words
we careless
we
unbecome u and i
become she
become he
become
lessons in time
reasons to rhyme
words in space
songs we taste
the bitter
the bile
the remembrance
lessons we learn
u & i
overtime
we
(C)2007 jjwf
lose sense of space and time
become need
lose sense of who we are
become speed
racing into the winds of words
we careless
we
unbecome u and i
become she
become he
become
lessons in time
reasons to rhyme
words in space
songs we taste
the bitter
the bile
the remembrance
lessons we learn
u & i
overtime
we
(C)2007 jjwf
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