maybe....it's not that i'm indecisive as much as i can see all the possiblities and i want things my own way... the thing is.. from day one.. i was always a bit hesistant. always over cautious.. but, i have to be..who else is really watching out for me? no one...
so... when i ask u things like how many kids you have and you wait 4 months to tell me, or you think it's ok to put your hands on people.. the fact that we connected, and had great conversation gets eclipsed by the fact that i'm not too sure if i should stand for these things....
it's not that i never loved him, i still do, it's not that i never saw myself marrying him 2 years ago and having his kids, packing up my life and starting anew...b/c i did.. it's that.. i'm wondering if i'm going to get jekyll one day and hyde the next. and i'm wondering.. if my self-esteem will suffer by settling with the little snide comments....
my mind would love for us to be able to have a companionship before we try to become a blended family.. but apparently, that's not how it's going to work...
i'm not one who deals well with ultimatums... in that game... the other party will always lose b/c i'm always going to err on the side of me and my comfort, world at a standstill and heels in the dirt....until further notice...
if you want something from me.. never give an ultimatum... life is never black and white and i hate being forced to make a decision when i feel there might be another way...
im just saying...
there's other ways..
and in the area of mind making up...well. that's another story for another blog..
until then..peace.. cuz im stressed and not at peace at all..
No comments:
Post a Comment