new Mary J, new thoughts

maybe it's b/c i grew up with Mary J. That i feel that im growing with her now..

Here is another new single from her upcoming album (DEC 18) entitled Growing Pains the song is called Work That - (listen)

seems to fit well after my last post. at least emotionally and im not going to get too much into it. right now at least.

lets just say. the past is the past, but i have some regrets, i let some people (namely me, myself and i & then there was she...) get in the way and i should have been the smarter wiser logical person i know i can be instead of being sucked into the abyss of sillyness / drama that erupted thereafter. I know some people may come across this and i know there are not enough words on this page to adequately express what's really going on. just know the truth is. We fucked and we fucked up. No matter how you want to screw it or skew it. happy is no longer happy and sad is a weak explanation for the anger/frustration that ran through me looking for a home in my fist and a hard place.

i always used to say that the drama in my life can help me become a better writer. but this is some shit that went deep and i don't feel like creatively writing about. which sucks. b/c by not writing i'm missing the healing that comes from it. so maybe one day when i have enough distance from the people and the situations i can draw upon the uncharacteristic events and create beauty ,but right now the he/she/we/he/she/us/no more us/did you call her baby or did she say she was having your baby/ shit... is too ugly,the scabs are too new & i still don't know where the end is. Fuck that, I'm still trying to understand how it got so far. b/c that shit is nothing like me. or who i know i can be or have been.

So I'll apologize where necessary, take the lesson where necessary and write when it's time. until then... other's music shall be my catharsis.

& maybe i'll learn to stop asking "why me" like some sad helpless victim so i can finally get to , "this is what happened" and the new me that has grown from the ashes says........ "I'm Free and clear on what my next direction is.. until then.. keyshia and mary shall be my messengers..

peace... really....
peace..