once in a blue moon

the crazy thing is... i've never seen a blue moon...
and from there I start to think... has anyone really seen this site.. Now I do know that when I wrote about the Best Week Ever and those darn ghetto slang cards.. i got hits up the wazoo.. but i feel like the consumate artists.. is this really about the people who come to read this or about the words i have to write! ! ! huh!

A real artist knows... and who says I am a real artist? Everyone but me. I call it being me. Me expresses herselfness in song, in word, and lately in desktop publishing and design. And my herness loves it. I also love the calm that exudes through the house now that my mom is away on a cruise.. This only helps to solidify the fact that I have overstayed my welcome and If i can be this peaceful all the time. The cost of paying rent and having to buy new shit to furnish this new oasis of peace is waaaaaaaaaaaaay worth it.. Only a few snags.. I hate apartment hunting, my sister wants to move and is doing nothing except emailing me listings and i have to find a new job.... darn it!

Despite the fact that my almost 2 year "job" ended on march 26.. i am in good spirits.. and what do I attribut my good spirits too.. it's not jesus... I have not seen the passion of the christ and right now calling on some non-existant being with no evidence of assistance is not helping me.. (what have you done for miss j lately! ? ) I am not a heathen.. or whatever you want to call it... I am me. And right now I am going through some changes. I go to a nice LARGE baptist Church in Richmond Va.. and if you live here you probably go here too.. Every black person i meet goes here.. (this is a tangent) going to this big church means that i can't go anywhere and do any old thing.. cuz.. people are watching. I work the door at the open mic night on tuesdays and often for the Company and people come in and tell me i look familiar or i go to church and hear.. oh are you that girl that does the poetry... yeah.. that's me.. we'll i saw you at so and so... so that means.. i have to behave.. no more fucking in cars... darn... hahaha ok.. i'm laughing.. cuz i don't do that .. and i think it's funny.. :P

but back to the story...so i'm not really feeling anymore the blind faith thing. I believe in a higher being. I have to.. There are so many things that have happened that i can't attribute to human error or handling. Something divine is going on.. so.. i believe in a higher power.. but if you ask me if i believe in some pie in the sky god.. who i have to send my request to and wait on in vain.. that doesn't work for me.. I've spent too much time.. praying and waiting.. someone forgot to tell me the other half of that story.. that at some point.. you have to stop waiting.. and start doing and if no answers are coming, no big booming voices are raining .. well then it's time for miss j to make some decisions and some major moves... listening to my heart.. seems to be the best advice i've ever heard.. cuz if i'm supposed to be waiting for the baritone of god.... i'll be shit out of luck...

So i'm happy right.. that is the main theme of this entry...I've lost my job and i'm happy.. my "Man" has to move and he's cheering me up, I N E E D to move.. and he's keeping me sane.. stuff is going crazy.. and we are both calm under pressure.. supporting each other and moving right along, focusing on Homegrown and what our future reality is and not this crazy disjointed meantime stuff.. so i'm happy.. not b/c i have a man who supports me.. but b/c I know this existance right here is not it..

So in this off time of no work.. I've been putting together the promotional items for the Company... Why do i keep saying the company? cuz i want to say my friends company, my man's company.. but that's not true.. besides the fact that yesterday he corrected me on saying your company to point out that i was a part of it and not some chick on the side looking in.. but in... Right now.. i have alot invested in the company my BF and his boy have started to create.. and somehow my volunteering to do flyers has turned into a position as the head of Marketing and Promotions.. Something i am not shucking but embracing.. if it means i can sit her and design flyers all day and put together Press Kits.. i'm down.. I enjoy doing this.. I get excited reading industry books and right now the Ruthless art of Self-Promotion.. is a getting me really excited.. i think i am finding what works.. and it's great..

and some baritone in the sky didn't come to me and tell me to do this.. if it's not his will.. well.. i doubt.. i'd be doing it.. and it'd be working out.. and feeling good. there are so many things.. i'm learning about spirit and me. Like God is comedy.. and those things that speak to me are not baritones in the sky but things that make me smile on the inside and make me shine without.. God does not speak to me in a voice.. but often if i'm thinking of something.. and need an answer.. i'll read an article, hear a story, hear a song and or see on the internet.. something that relates to my dilema/decision.. for me .. that is god talking to me.. nothing too deep. . . that is the other thing.. spirit is not too deep. your spirituality should not be something that is so far removed and hard to get too.. that the mystery of it keeps you from connecting with it. What i need is connection not mystery.. not to be scared and chastised.. i am sure for some people that works. But I operate in laughter and love and if spirit, god the great one what have you can reach me in these ways.. will send a message to me through another poet, singers, artists what have you.. then so be it... or have me be that poet.. as i have seen on several occassions.. then i have no problem with this system... but i tell you... and i am not lying... spirit, God whatever you choose to associate with it.. is one funny being..

love and laughter always,
j