i just want to say

...that confidence comes with age.
...that it took me a long time to be okay with me, to know my own voice , to hear my own voice and head my own direction. To know my own wants and needs so that i could become my own strong woman.. actually i was born this way. created in a unique mold that is not to be duplicated. ...so please

stop reading my words and taking me for granted. Stop going through my past and attempting to find treasure in my trash. Please just stop. reading my words and recycling them as your own.

these are my words born through time and struggle and pain and understanding. It took me years to learn to know me this way. It's why i write here. It's not for your daily amusement or dissection of who i am so that i may be used as your pawn. I want people who read this to gain something. Positive. Once my positive aim is used against me I am not a happy camper.

Today, I contemplated not writing in my blog any longer. I have gotten fed up alot lately. FYI: This is not a good week for the bs. I've left a venue i have attended 3 years faithfully without a break b/c of BS. I've left a relationship i was a participant of for 3 years b/c of BS. This blog is supposed to be my catharsis. Not a peep hole into my life. B/C if you knew anything about me.. You'd know my whole life is not encased on these pages.. NO.. i am too busy trying to live life or work to make more money to live my got damn life.

so please..stop abusing the privilege to glimpse inside someone else's life. This is a privilege that i even share with anyone my thoughts/ dreams or desires even as sketchy as they sometimes can be.

but i almost stopped today a 4 or so year blog b/c of BS.

I don't mind you reading my words. But really if you want to get to know me. I am not afraid of emails. I read them . I write them. and i don't bite unless asked or treaded on in the wrong direction and against my grain.

someone once told me that they didn't write for me to see the the words they wrote weren't for me. But it's a public fucking forum so yes they are for me to see and if they weren't meant as a desperate cry for help to one day be seen by someone or the object targeted .. i don't know what the heck it was for. but i also know i've inspired others to read and to write.. so i won't let the BS of a few keep me from doing what i do. I am stronger than that. Than the BS that surrounds me.

i just want to say that....

my words are for you to learn/read/grasps/laugh..
but i do not write here for you to abuse me and or the right i have to express whatever parts of me i decide to express. Please note.. These posts aren't graphic.. they serve a purpose other than being a forgotten love/fuck letter.. they are the letters of my life.. these are the words of my day.. and i respect them..

i just ask that you respect me too. that is only if you've learned to respect yourself.

peace
Jamila