Today I was feeling some kinda way

Today I was feeling some kinda way…

In a good way.. a friend of mine is in the hospital so I went in and gave a massage. When I left I realize my fear and my “depression” are doing me some great disservice. The fellowship of people.

They say depressed people know they are depressed. I don’t know. I just know.. I’ve been moody and alienating myself and listless and non productive. Today I noticed how much pain I was in because of my stress.. There are times at work my neck and shoulders hurt so much that every stretch I learned in massage school does didlly squat. (man I been waiting a long time to use that in a sentence lol)

So I looked up a chiropractor that is covered under my insurance it seems the massage therapist needs a therapist. This sucks. I don’t want to pay for that mess. Which is evil. As many massages as I give I feel like I deserve one. Better yet the truth is I need one. BADLY!

Ah well..

But back to feelin’ some kinda way.. in a good way. I left the hospital feeling rejuvenated. The sun was out kissing my cheeks and the wind was caressing my newly released fro.. and I was loving life…I love healing other people with massage it’s beautiful… and today I felt like writing and creating and singing and I realized.. that when people say you don’t use it, you lose it, they were right. (

I got on stage for the first time in 4 months on Tuesday.. I was nervous as shit and still my friend Harold said that I got on stage and made that shit look effortless. I was mad at myself and Dyore says I did it to myself being absent from the stage for such a long time. But I had to. I was sick, I was feeling uncreative, I haven’t written in a long time and I just wasn’t feeling like bleeding my soul for an uncaring audience. So I stepped back.

But today.. I felt like I could make all my dreams come true. As wack as that sounds. Today I felt ready to write again and sing again and perform and be that soulful chick I be.

In my weekly review with my supervisor back at the job, she made a sly comment to me.. I know you’re waiting to be a star but you still work here…

That’s a paraphrase.. but I didn’t realize I brought  that attitude to work. I never even talk about singing or studio time or writing or labels or managing or PR work or anything like that at work. Not at this job. I have people who try to prompt me but I don’t pay them any mind. So I was rather surprised when she told me that.

So after going to work for 8 hrs.. I’m not feeling that way I felt this morning.. And I wish I did. I’ve been looking at the Tweet video I have on the side of my page.. and I’ve learned how to play part of it.. just from listening to her … IM GETTING BETTER AND!!!! My friend/homie/whatever he is, is going to hate this… but..

TOMORROW/ TODAY I GET A NEW GEETAR!!!!!!

I am so excited. I am getting a black Spencer dreadnought acoustic. And I am SO EXCITED. My mahogany joint is first of all CHEAP.. but second of all it’s CHEAP and therefore is warped its’ not worth fixing.. so I’m GETTING A NEW GUITAR!!!!  And I am so durn ‘cited!!!! (

Im silly I’m sorry..

But I’m trying to go back to feeling some kinda way.. I miss her.

Peace.
Jam