News @ 11

So ….the aforementioned scenario with my sister does not require intervention. I spoke to her yesterday afternoon. And it’s cool. She’s not crying she’s very calm about the whole thing. Apparently, she had a conversation with my mom the night before and when she closed her conversation with “I Love You” my mom said something else that did not correspond with your youngest daughter displaying her care and affection for you. It was more like “I Know” or “Well I’ll see you later.”

In my opinion everyone is weird. Especially my mom and this is not a bad thing it just is. People have their own special quirks and eccentricities. It makes us all special, unique, interesting and WEIRD people.

Case in point, I think my mom is mad at my sister and I for moving out the house. I swear ‘fo Gawd. She even told me before I moved out (after the fight where she threw the bucket of popcorn kernels at me lol!) that she new I wasn’t going to come around often. (and it’s true I work nights.. sorry…) But when we try to communicate with her and bridge that gap where her apron lies precariously close to the edge of the cliff with the strings blowing in the wind, she blocks us.  I think she’s mad my sister is getting married, and she’s mad I didn’t finish college but instead went to massage therapy school.  She’s upset that we moved out and she wanted us to be a big happy family in her big happy house. But …….things don’ work like that.

My mom is type A to the CAPITAL A! She has her life all mapped out with this wonderful ideas of what family is and how it all should work out. The thing is reality and dreams are different realms that don’t always intersect. Sometimes reality is a bit harsher. So no she’s not married to a man that will take care of her and her kids. And no we didn’t grow up in the house she has now, and no we all can’t be happy under the same roof (3 grown women= estrogen overload!) And no we don’t call everyday and belong to 3 ministries in the church, and yes I messed up the family lineage by not having a baby at 22 and yes my sister is marrying a very nice white man who is a manager at a fast food joint with superstara dreams and yes she’s been divorced twice and yes the father of her youngest kids died last year and yes she’s still bitter with my father and my stepfather. But… she’s successful just the way she wanted to be. Her kids are all healthy, creative and highly intelligent, silly as hell and get along well together. We may not call everyday, the car may breakdown and she isn’t yet done with her Phd program… but we are all works in progress..

And…. My little brother can’t recall the last time my mom said she loved him either…

But… somehow..it’s all allright. My siblings and I have had enough years to understand this woman we call Mommy and it’s all good. We understand her. She’s who she is. And while we are not running to the counselor because we feel neglected. We know the truth. It’s evident if not in words then in actions. She means it. We know it. Perhaps she just can’t say it. And that’s fine. I just hope whomever I blend my life with comprehends and doesn’t get frustrated with me when I withhold my I love you’s. I like to measure that shit and present it to the right people at the right times. I don’t like to use it loosely. And if they don’t get it.. I’ll introduce them to my mom.. Then maybe it will all make sense.. I mean it.. I’m better at writing it than saying it… better at showing you then broadcasting it. And if that doesn’t work look at my poetry.. you’ll find it.. just understand.. I don’t come from a needy tribe and I have a hard time feeding that kind of personality. If you need me to constantly tell you what I feel… You need to meet my mother again…

Peace …
Hope you have a great weekend
J ;)