In the midsts

In the midst’s of tension we resort to childish means. He pouting in the corner. Me hanging up, running away, hiding, wanting to scream.. and we…
Find ourselves in these places we don’t know how to leave
He ready to begin the journey as a family
Me tentative hiding behind the screen
Don’t let that door slap you in the ass.
And I keep running even if only in my dreams
He the genesis
Of where my thoughts begin
Me the nemesis of my paper and my pen
Keeping too much of inside of me
I’m no good to myself
Hard to explain to someone who thinks they already know you better than you don’t know yourself
Hell… I’ve been hanging out chilling with me for years and I’m learning something new everyday..
Doesn’t stop him from wanting to wed me befriend me unit our molecules and create little me and little him’s
And I’m scared.. he could be Jason and I’ll be falling amongst the trees
You can call me that dumb bitch looking back over my shoulder when I should be uniting with the wind..
I can’t win..
And wonder can he
Too much in my head I can’t get out the way to see
But he has all the answers and I bear all the doubts and I’m so afraid of the change we could create.. I’m keeping myself in…
So ready to say fuck you.. Take your heart and leave
But that’s not really me and he’s not going to leave
At least not give up that easy
So im pondering.. Giving in
Fighting myself and letting fate win..
So tempted to tip the scales
Turn the page
Read the last before I even start
So tempted
To retreat to my sleep
But he’s knocking again
Needing answers
From me…
And it’s so easy.. to start fights rather than talk it out..
Bear my soul rather then keep it in the dark
But I’m fighting myself daily
Crying with no control over my rampant feelings.
And I just need relief
So easy to retreat to sleep
Return to my childish means and run away… but he’s needing an answer from me…. We’ll see