Random Session 504

Random Session.. #504. Sunday/Monday Sept. 25-26, 2005

I can appreciate beauty when I see it.. besides.. my mom named me beautiful…. Take a look…. http://www.omari-online.net/portfolio.html

On another note..
I’ve spent a lot of time not wanting to like but I like Raheem Devaughn’s song believe in me… don’t know why.. hate to admit it to myself.. I have a love hate relationship with music. There are some songs I love instantly.. like that lauryn hill song I was raving about last week.. but raheem devaughn is hit or miss with me.. I’ve been watching/listening to years on the underground scene.. cuz that’s where the best artist are mind you… but there is something about his voice.. quite like aaliyah’s to me that is on the verge of either annoying me or being cool I think it depends on the song.. I choose my music but the feel and some artist have a voice that touches you deep and some are just singing.. and it’s all okay.. it’s variety.. sometimes you want surface music.. and sometimes you want deep thought, emotion evoking essence.. hell it helps me write at times is testament and worship and religion for me.. but.. sometimes.. I am offended. That someone has had the audacity to put out something so surface.. so that is my music dilemma.. but this song.. “believe in me”..has something else that touches me deep and that is words//lyrics// meaning I am a sucker for a good set of put together words.. I have a respect for it.. while I can put together a poem in 10 seconds flat that is deep and meaningful and beautiful.. I understand that craft is often a mystery.. so I respect that.. and this song. Has crossed the line for me.. Raheem.. it’s okay baby.. I accept you.. for now.. but my big sis says you  suck live.. I’ll forgive you.. maybe..


So… today is a day of random thoughts..

I thought It was good that I was spending a lot of time alone.. my dh/bf/man etc is away.. will be away.. my “friends” are no shows.. so .. im alone.. not lonely by choice.. but.. I am beginning to think it might not be so good anymore.. I go through these phases.. guess it’s a new change.. I needed it.

Today.. a caller at work told me.. 1) adamantly NOT to get married 2) being gay was an epidemic very evident in Atlanta.. so bad he was upset when taking his nephew out 3) to move to cali..

My coworker had to remind me that for a man so adamant about not being in a relationship he sure was trying to be my new “friend” very funny..

for some reason I don’t know why I let strangers annoy me.. but the things he said to me struck a nerve, a chord, etc..

Who is this man to tell me to deny myself my life lessons? Maybe being married is what I need? Something in that realm I need to learn… I don’t know.. From my own life. I am afraid of many things. Love kids but afraid of bringing something to life and f-ng it up. Want a family.. but I’ve had a family.. and I don’t want to go through divorce or the drama family is. But that is life isn’t it.. and who am I to deny myself the lessons that I may need??

Side note.. who allows ignant ass people to run ads on the radio.. why is this illiterate ghetto boy.. yelling at me to buy a cell phone!!! He is Yelling like crazy eddie.. for those from NY who remember that crazy fool. I guess this kid knows of him too.. crazy neddie..

Another tangent..
I know what it is to love.. but not be in love…
             Or to love fiercely yet not be loved fiercely in return
Or….. one sided love…. I didn’t know it before… before.. but I know of it.. know it’s symptoms.. understand it… wonder.. many things..

More later.. maybe..
It’s the nature of my randomness yet.. yet realize.. it’s all connected. Im sure if you read bwn the lines you’d see my whole story..

Life, laughter and love
jj