There is a song here....

I know people who are annoyed with me because I have a song for every conversation and every situation. It's allright. One day, I'm going to stop being scared of my own abilities and write the damn thing.. Then you should watch out. Until then, you have to deal with my poetry and my posts.... But good news awaits you.

My first full day of not working and i get awakened by my mother at 8AM. Seriously, I tried to ignore Erykah Badu screaming "Back in the Day" off my Sanyo 4900 but uhm.... She kept coming around.. So i picked it up. Why did I find my mother screaming at me that I was on the front page of the newspaper!?!?!?

My first reaction, what the hell did i do? Since when did errant temps make front page news? Well Apparently since April 27, 2005.. Okay maybe not completely.
The truth is.. those talents i screamed about yesterday that would possibly pay me more than an extra dollar an hour got my happy arse on the front page of the newspaper.

I've been called a superstar all day.. I don't feel like one.. I am so darn quiet about it all. ;)

anyhood.. i got other things on my mind..

I will protect the lives and motives of the innocent.. But i got things on my mind.. like Love..

What else do i write about? Love/Relationships etc.. have been perplexing me lately.

I have no regrets, just questions. Just thinking. Like.. Today my mind was preoccupied by this interesting specimen of a man I have on my side.

It's not like I don't feel like deserve his love. I am more than deserving. I just feel slow on the come up. We are going on ### weeks. The time is inconsequential really. The fact is: He has on several occasions expressed his affection for me and I feel... inept. Scared to admit anything, scared b/c the last unavailable man I made myself vunerable too.. Didn't have time for me, and didn't treat me or my time with respect as a matter of fact.

But, in walks (ok so maybe he didn't walk in) this intelligent, funny, intriguing, dare i say.. sexy!?!?????!!!, stranger.. who after several casual emails i discover.. is one of the sweetest men i've ever met and after a second meeting and walk down by the waterside i discover he can make me laugh, keeps me smiling, is totally attentive, can hold an intelligent conversation, is crazily in tune with me, and is more than easy to be with.. and i... being the chick that i be..

am tripping. . . were is the soundtrack to your life when you need it ??? im needing mysterious haunting music right here, maybe a dun, dun dunnnnnnnn, not Destiny's Child's "IF" (If you don't know now you know your gonna miss, my love, and I aint' stressing about a gotdunrn thing, b.c i was true when i gave you my love...) ok so maybe in a roundabout way it fits.. but the point is..

I've been looking for flaws in this man for about uhm.. 3 weeks.. he has none.. maybe he doesn't tower above me, but we see eye to eye, on almost everything. Maybe he's not a mandingo warrior, but who really needs one of those anyway? The reality is he is so attentive to me, I want to ask ...."who let you get a hold of and let you study my manual!?!?! ! ! !" I demand answers.. or you can just do that thing again.. ;) Maybe, he's ignorant and rude as all get out.. But no he's not, he sends me good morning txt msgs, calls just to say hi, sends emails just b/c, he is genuine in all of his actions.
When I asked about some news story we both didn't have the info for, he looked it up and sent it to me. He's honest, creative, attentive, unattached, a beautiful specimen of man and i'm wondering.. Why do i feel the need to find flaws in him?? Wonder why I feel the need to have more time to reconsider my stance here.. I don't know. It really is a no brainer.. I need to let go of the past. The future is standing before me attentive and generous and real...

I hope i don't fuck it up. You know how good at self sabotage i can be ....