"jealousy btwn both your ears"

i wish i could remember which song this is from... but my dilemma today is jealousy...
i have been told on many occasions that i am a very talented but humble person.. I am starting to blv this. I don't brag about my accomplishments or name drop.. i see it very unnecessary. so what i know people? but what am I doing? so what i did such and such way back when... what am i doing now? and where am i going?

see....

but i have also been told on many occassions and seen with my own eyes.. that people are jealous of me.. I wish people wouldn't be that way but what can i really doing about it?
Here I am going out of my way... not to encite your evil side.. and it rears it's ugly head anyway!?!!? then it's time for me to live for me... and stop being so considerate and nice to you. I can't tiptoe around others feelings.. Living life makes me happy. And living life in a way that my joy is maximized and my pains are decreased is my goal in life.. So if by doing that i ruffle some feathers then they will be ruffled.

in a recent sermon the pastor said.. when people talk about you it means you are on the right track. It means you are doing something. . . and the more you move in the right direction of your goals and aims in life.. most likely the more people are going to talk about you... Let them talk...

so i try not to let this petty stuff get on my nerves.. I'm just surprised to be getting it.. But then my other stance is perhaps it is preparing me for what comes next. My "friend" says... that people can see in me that spark (which i don't see in myself) and they know what it means... all i harbor are my dreams.. and i know where i'd like to be... i'm just not there yet.. but apparently i display those qualities already.. and it shows... so i put out a book and i'm selling it.. i'm doing something. and not just talking about doing something anymore.. So.. i had a local tv show... and now when i go out...people recognize me.. i go to the weekly open mic spot EVERY WEEK.. and this weekend while i was out... at a play... i got noticed twice.. it was flattering and interesting all at the same time.. cuz i scanned the audience..and didn't see anyone i knew.. but i didn't really know these people. had seen them before.. but didn't really know them.. but i acknowledged them when they approached me.. was really nice and then sat down and wondered how they saw me!?!?

silly me.. lately i've been braiding my fro at night and then picking out... so now not only does it sparkle from this Wonder 8 oil i've been using but it also has an area code of it's own.. takes up it's own air space and even houses some telecommunications towers so that i always get good telepathic and cellular reception! hah! so how did i get noticed? the fro let them know.. and they came and said hi.. that i have no problem with.. but not only am i a minor, minor, minor celebrity but i also smell good.. cuz the lady that came up to me.. kept leaning in to me and b4 she left she said it was b/c i smelled good.. and i wasn't even wearing my Vanilla lace or Gucci Rush... what is that about???.. .my sisters boyfriend says its the hair stuff i was using he must be right.. but im low on both Vanilla Lace and Gucci Rush so if you want to contribute to my fragrance fund.. please dont' hesitate! Even Minor J's have to smell good.

but my issue is with jealousy.. and apparently it comes with the territory.. in my mind.. i feel like i should be the last person you should be jealous of... i have achieved no super human feats and if i have i'm not telling! When good things happen to other people.. I am HAPPY! for them.. i also learned that when god blesses someone close to you, you should rejoice.. b/c it means .. 1) god is in the neighborhood... & 2) now that s/he is done with them s/he can focus on you... 3)what god has done for others s/he will do for u!

besides.. i like seeing the people around me happy.. forget about me.. if they are happy.. it feels good and that's one less moody person i have to deal with and cheer up! THanks God!

:D im silly i know.. and also not jealous.. i wrote a poem about this.. i gotta find it.. The key element is.... i have suffered.. i know my path and my pain... and it's not easy to write and share your soul with people.. so even if my prose and poetry or stories.. sound good and flow effortlessly when i'm on stage and touch you from the page... there are things i've had to go through to get to that point that i could write that piece... and that path may not be for us all.. some of you couldn't handle it.. so when good shit starts happening for me.. i don't want people to be jealous of me.. i want them to be happy.. b/c it's about darn time.. good stuff started happening for this good person.. that's all. . .