i know my flaws.. many of them are very obvious..
many of them are not.. but i am thinking of one in particular.. My habit of holding on to things way past their usefulness.. and I know how to deal with this.. everyonce in a while you gotta throw shit out.. an all in all cleaning.. just chuck it all. And i have learned that goes for people too. I did it in january.. was having a hard time doing it now.. Especially when i told said person that I wasn't going to give up easy.. but see.. the thing is.. They are clinging back... I see a direct clinging when said funds are not refunded.. and in so many ways.. i am trying to be a good person.. Trying not to act like a bill collector.. but it just seems to me.. that this person is keeping me around unnecessarily and as much as they say they don't want me calling.. the inablility to give me what i am asking for is keeping me around. .crazy.. especially when Ahm ret ta GO! i'm gone.. besides i know.. what i want compensation for.. can NEVER be regained.. NEVER! NEVER!
and I thought i was over this thing.. but i'm not.. WHY! b.c i know how to linger and cling.. I clinger.. I toss thoughts over so many times.. they are not what they started out as.. and yet and still i manage to make it through the day and smile.. Yesterday..
Yesterday was a wonderful day.. i was smiling all day.. missed a phone call i had given up on.. but that was allright too.. lets me know maybe i shouldn't be giving up so soon.
But i am sure i said this b4.. but b/c i haven't written in almost i week i don't remember.. but it is odd to me that after this odd end of a relationship.. I ready to start again.. I never knew that being in a relationship and being in love was a drug.. but i want it.. Don't necessarily feign for it.. NEED it.. i want it.. would be fine without it.. but it'd be nice if it was there.. You know.. someone to talk to, hang out with, be with.. A one and only.. cuz i'm through with being a one of many.. i dont know why i feel that is something i need. MY friends keep saying i need alone time.. I HAD ALONE TIME! I was alone the WHOLE TIME! so my need is not for a hard and fast companion.. but a true friend and I want to get this thing right.. Want to get what I deserve.. Good Love.. not shiesty characters or wanna be players.. I want a good relationship.. Hey... that's the premise of my book at least for the main character.. how crazy.. maybe the story is about me. ;)
i'll share an excerpt when i get a chance .. but right now.. back to work i go.. I got a new change.. so i actually have work to keep me busy till 5pm these day.. poo.. cuts down on blogging time :) jj
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