that searched for a poem

the need for love was often
stronger than her need for actual sustenance
so she fasted
for 40 days and for 40 nights
and she prayed
and she waited
and somtimes she didn't breathe
b/c breathing
caused her stance to waiver
and she was waiting for love
so she could
breathe again
she refused
advice
offers
compensation
for her pains
she had outgrown her childhood
and fasted herself into adulthood
determined never to cry again
b/c she was in pain
she wanted to spout
tears of joy,
instead
so she fasted
and she prayed and she waited
only to find
that love didn't need to be found
could never be found
and seeking only turned up
rocks with undersides of dirt and worms
she realized
with time
that love
was a wellspring within her
and she had been
starving herself
for too long
in
vain.

(C)2003 Jamila J.