i am allowing myself to wallow in pain and disgust today, not physical pain but mental and emotional anguish. i have focused my energies so much on thoughts of lonliness and aloneness and fractured relationships that my feelings have melted and found a way to leak from the windows of my soul... i hate that.. it's messy. it causes my contacts to float like those ocean bouys and my blood vessels to get all red, so that the people who are used to me smiling and being all bright and shit start asking me questions.. which causes me to do that 2year old heaving thing.. which causes more emotions to melt and seep from the cracks in my structure.. i hate that.. which is a new poem i have written.. and which i will do this coming Tuesday @ Verses.. sans paper.. and is all about how i am mad that i let someone get into me and affect me in such a way that their leaving me could actually affect or even cause the emotions i keep locked up to bubble up and overflow out of me betraying my Fort Knox like security... BOO!
this caring shit hurts.. and i despise pain...
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